Wake Up and Smell the Coffee by Eric Bogosian

Author:Eric Bogosian
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781559367462
Publisher: Theatre Communications Group

(Normal voice:)

Yeah, I can talk the talk, but I can’t walk the walk.

I’m weak and I’m scared. So I get in line. Like a sheep. Like a cow. So I stand in line like everybody else. Patiently waiting my turn to get to the head of the line so I can get conked on the head, a chain wrapped around my legs, get pulled upside-down to have my throat slit. My blood drained and ground into hamburger. That’s the kind of rebel I am. Just show me the line and I’ll get in it. I need the line. The line is my friend.

And when the bad guys in the steel-tipped boots do show up and kick down my door in the middle of the night, I won’t be a hero. No. I’ll say, “I’ve completely re-thought the revolution.” (Runs and hides behind the chair) And I’ll cower under my bed. I’ll say, “I don’t want to bother anybody, in fact I don’t have any opinion about anything actually. I was just pretending to be a rebel. I’m just a little dog, see?” (Barks a short, timid bark, gets up and starts running in large circles) Like a little dog. Like a little dog. I just want to be safe. I just want to hang out with all the other little dogs and run around and chase cars and sniff other doggies’ butts and piss on trees. Just give me a bowl of water and pat my head and tell me I wrote a nice screenplay and I’ll wag my tail and go sleep on the couch and not bother anybody.

(Curls up on chair.)

I just want to be one of the pack, an ingredient, a component, a cog on the wheel. That’s what I am, a cog! A cog dog. (Stands on the chair) Cog dog, cog dog, cog dog, cog.

(Barks three long howls.)

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